It is but a wisper.

It's colder today than most,
The temperature has dropped drastically since the fall of night.

The sun fails to appear in this morning sky,
and I can feel the wind cutting through the my layers.

I am not at all surprised, for I have seen the reports,
However, I am concerned, that this coat I'm nestled in may not be enough.

Still I cling to hope of a sunny day,
and understand that this storm will pass.

My heart longs for that sunny day,
when we will be allowed to run for the first time.

to clarify...

my last blog was about a girl i met in my math class, we'll call her yolanda. she sits in front of me and for the first couple of weeks we never really talked, just kind of smiled at each other. we moved into the saying "hey" stage as we would have to get into groups to do like team math stuff, stupid i know. as the weeks progressed we still didn't talk much. there is this other girl in the class who is really, really, really, really, really [i think you get the point] annoying. well call her marry jo. and marry jo is like so annoying that i just want to say "hey stop talking!" anyhow, one day marry jo was being expically annoying and yolanda commented to me about it. her and i kind of hit it off from there. every since that day we talk, it's more in depth now, but it tends to have something to do with marry jo (not always, but 7 out of 10 times.) i kind of going along with it all. and i've never blatantly mentioned my faith. not that i'm like super scared or anything (i'd be a lie if i said i wasn't scared at all) but for some reason i can't bring myself to say something about it. it's weird...

so to my point.. i wrote this because i feel as if i've failed the Lord. i pray for opportunities to show that i'm different, to share the gospel, to meet new people and to ultimately show God's love and who He really is. i obviously fail. majorly. and i know that God still loves me and all that, it's just i don't want to be the scared christian or the one who is ashamed. i want to be bold. and i want to take a stand for what i be live in. i know i'm not always going to succeed in doing so but i want to try. and maybe this is just a way for the Lord to teach me a lesson. (not maybe, it is!) so yeah, i hope that makes a little better sense..

i want so much more

we sat unassumingly,
quite we were,

a second go for the both of us,
nervous, anxious, but still optimistic,

we were more similar then i think either of us realized,
seeing as we had been through a lot of the same things,

we'd soon be brought together,
as our silence was awoken by a desperate and pathetic cry,

we bonded through that howl,
and though in my heart i knew it was wrong,

i sat back and chuckled,
never once did i take a stand,

instead i told myself lies,
not saying anything would be okay,

everything we thought about that sob was true,
but our means as humans of relaying them were cruel at best,

still, after all i'd done, i sat behind my new friend,
praying the she'd see the difference,

that a door would be opened,
that i'd be brave,

that i'd forget about this world,
that i would no longer let the flesh hinder me,

that i could be used to reach out,
that i would find the words,

that i could be that person,
that i could know where to start,

that i would no longer be seen,
that we would be united,

that i wasn't a coward,
that i wouldn't fear,

that my weakness would be made strong,
that i would finally make that leap,

that i would get out of the way,
and that You take the reins.

because I will not does not mean I cannot.

anger and frustration seep in,
hate and darkness kill there living souls,

their very nature has been transformed,
father from Him and each other they grow,

building up walls of demise they move into a state of foolishness,
times passes and still no change,

for now they've grown even more bitter and fallen to new depths,
yet their mess continues on, giving little hope to a solution,

in place of their love,
their sinful natures take over,

others watching on begin to take note,
and questions soon arise,

still their evil presses on,
for his plan is working,

they have been equally corrupited,
even more have fallen as well,

they now walk through their days in darkness,
a spoiled stench effects evertyhting they do,

and who they want to become,
they are not dead, just held from true life,

the One thing that can save them waits paciantly for their requests,
the emotion and joy the once shared has evaporated,

and forgiveness is no longer a word in their vocabulary,
instead "me" replaces it and completely binds them,

transformation is an option,
and light will come into their darkness if they desire to let it.

And if My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways then I WILL hear them from heaven and WILL forgive their sin, and WILL heal their land!

2 Chronicles 7:14

i hurt for you..

I don't think I'd even try,
to answer her questions.

Father you must know it's not because I don't want to,
because in all honesty I would in a heart beat.

I want to squash them so badly, to relive her from her pain and agony,
but I just don't know how, or even where to begin.

You've promised to take comfort her, and I'm confident you will,
but Father, give her strength!

Please, oh Maker,
give her answers!

Give her faith and hope,
give her weary soul rest!

Oh Father, you know, more than I, what she needs!