i want so much more

we sat unassumingly,
quite we were,

a second go for the both of us,
nervous, anxious, but still optimistic,

we were more similar then i think either of us realized,
seeing as we had been through a lot of the same things,

we'd soon be brought together,
as our silence was awoken by a desperate and pathetic cry,

we bonded through that howl,
and though in my heart i knew it was wrong,

i sat back and chuckled,
never once did i take a stand,

instead i told myself lies,
not saying anything would be okay,

everything we thought about that sob was true,
but our means as humans of relaying them were cruel at best,

still, after all i'd done, i sat behind my new friend,
praying the she'd see the difference,

that a door would be opened,
that i'd be brave,

that i'd forget about this world,
that i would no longer let the flesh hinder me,

that i could be used to reach out,
that i would find the words,

that i could be that person,
that i could know where to start,

that i would no longer be seen,
that we would be united,

that i wasn't a coward,
that i wouldn't fear,

that my weakness would be made strong,
that i would finally make that leap,

that i would get out of the way,
and that You take the reins.